G E M M A // JOURNALS: May 2014

saturday

may 31, 2014

1:15pm-

This is where things start to run together. I'm going to tell you how I remember the rest of the day playing out but you should really ask your father sometime.

I remember waking up from a lousy nap. Contractions were so intense and still every 4 minutes. Daddy tried feeding me and giving me water as often as I would take it. Avocado and fruit were the only things I wanted. Water was hard to drink but Ashley made "laboraide" and let me tell ya, that stuff was incredible (she can tell you more about that sometime). We labored at home for awhile. I wanted to avoid another false alarm as much as possible. I felt as though I was going to be sick so I headed for the bathroom. Kneeling next to the toilet, I felt a sudden break. I felt like I was getting my second wind. I could do this. I could handle it. Little did I know, the next few hours would get more intense and test that mentality completely.

4:00/5:00pm (ish)-

When we had our doula meetings with Ashley, one of the questions she asked me was "how do you deal with pain?" I told her I handle pain quietly, to myself. Not very vocal. I hold my breath and I tense up. At this point in the day, I had become VERY vocal. I would moan every time I breathed. It was as though I couldn't help it- my body was on autopilot. I cried a lot. Tears of pain, tears of exhaustion and tears of impatience. You were all I could think about. My mama (Ammie) would give Dad a break every so often and it was wonderful having her there. She calmed me, wiped my tears, rubbed my back and brushed my hair.

6:30pm-

I'm in the bath. Contractions are every 2-3 minutes. Ammie held my hand and asked me "What would you like to do? Are you ready?" I looked up at her and said "Yes. Please. Let's go. Now!" She goes to tell your Dad and he calls the midwife. I'm got ready, Papa & Ammie take me to the car. Your father was on the phone for what seemed like hours and I wanted to drive myself. Finally, we left. Hitting every red light on the way and getting stuck behind every slow driver. I was furious.

7:30pm-

Now this is where things get really blurry. We arrived at the hospital...again. My mind was racing and my legs were numb. Ashley and I went to triage while dad parked the car. And this is where it got real. Your Auntie Abz took photos. I'll show you:

Looks peaceful enough, right? Wrong. The second time I was in Triage, Abby didn't get in to take photos so these are from our false alarm visit. Same room, different atmosphere. We spent 30-45 minutes here before I was admitted to labor and delivery. We got the last room with the last water tub and our favorite midwife was on duty. Everything was going to be alright.

Here is your handsome dad. Tired but incredibly strong for me.

I sat on the bed to change when my waters broke. I waddled over to the tub which helped initially but as soon as I started to feel the pressure of your head descending, there was nothing more I could do to ease the discomfort. I clenched my teeth but Dad told me to take a deep breath. I begged him for medicine regardless of wanting to do this naturally. "I can't do this." "I'm too tired." "I just want to sleep for a minute." "Maybe just a little medicine?!" Phrases I kept repeating. Little did I know, I was in transition. It took nearly 20 hours for me to progress from 4 to 6. It took an hour for me to progress from 6 to 10. No wonder I was exhausted! I began pushing in the tub and that was when it was time to get out.

8:50pm-

Here we are. It was finally time to meet you and in order to do that, I had to deliver you. I was so tired, Gem. I was a little scared. I felt so sick. but I had to do it.

Our midwife, Lori Cabbage, talked me through every moment. Grabbing my shoulders and helping me focus.

Ashley made sure I "kept my cool" (mom joke?) by placing a cool rag on my forehead. Her soothing voice told me it was going to be okay and I was close to meeting you. I believed her.

Dad held my hand the whole time. Kissed my head. I can't even begin to describe what it was like having him by my side. One of the best moments of my life.

Ammie would occasionally touch my arm to make sure I knew she was there. And I did. I would turn to her and see that she was cheering me on. Some of my top favorite moments with your grandmother (you should probably stick to calling her Ammie though).