Walking the Walk

Oh my little love!

Yesterday, you took your first steps and I'm feeling every feeling. I feel excited for you! You are about to discover a new sense of freedom to explore what you want where you want. I feel proud of you! You are really doing it on your own and so young, too. You are brave little one. I feel thankful! I'm thankful you are going just fine and your little legs are working just right. I feel sad! MY BABY GIRL IS WALKING WHICH MEANS SHE'S NOT A BABY BUT A TODDLER. I feel happy! Happy that you are mine.

I feel that every time I get used to all of the changes we've gone through, something else (or everything else) changes once again all at the same time. It's hard to keep up. This week is one of those times. I recently made the decision to go back to work and find a job that allows me some time to feel productive but not consume every moment that I'm with you. That lead us to finding you a nanny, which I'm still struggling with. I also started taking photos again...and not just of your precious face. Yesterday was my first shoot in a long time AND THEN YOU TOOK YOUR FIRST STEPS. I know this seems trivial but it's a lot for me. I'll adjust but goodness, it was just a year ago that you were content in my belly. I'm going to go interrupt your playtime now and cuddle you so good.

Love you always,
Mama

My Thoughts + Your Gibberish

My darling girl,

I was sitting in your bedroom watching you play in your crib and thinking about the meaning of each gibberish word you said. You're so confident in what you're trying to communicate. You look at me as if I should know. I feel like the phrase, "Duh, Mom" is not far off from your word-bank. I look forward to the conversations we'll have one day. When you start learning about the world around you and the people in it. It's going to be wild and great.

I feel as though these days of you pleasantly playing in your crib are numbered. You will soon be walking and running and this crib will not be able to contain your busyness. It's hard not to harp on your rapid growth. It's probably all I talk about. You are probably all I talk about. You're kind of my life right now. You encompass every aspect of who I am, what I do, how I live. Motherhood is wild. Truly a rude awakening for selfishness. It kind of automatically takes over. One day soon, I'll start to discover who I am again apart from you. Who I want to be, what I'd like to do and pursue for myself. To be honest, it's a little terrifying and slightly overwhelming to think about but I'm looking forward to it just the same.

In the meantime, I'm relishing every moment I have with you. Being with you 24/7 is such an honor, Gem. A lot of mothers wish they could do the same for their babes. I'm so thankful that we are able to have this time to build our special bond. You are so dear to me and the love I have for you has no end. You are my precious gem.

Always,
Mama

Just The Two Of Us.

10 Months.

You are fascinating. I watch you every day. More like observe. You're curious. Brave. Happy. Silly. Loving. All things good. Your teeth coming in have been the ongoing trial in your life and I know it's no easy feat. Your overall countenance is pleasurable, but girlfriend, you are killing me with this waking up at 6am the past several days. It's truly my only qualm with you young lady. SIX IN THE MORNING. Aye yai yai. You are a peach at bedtime. You give me kisses and go with dad into your room, lay your head on his shoulder and curl up in his lap with Lion. It's the sweetest thing. But then 6am comes and I hear you start to stir. I tell myself that if I just keep my eyes closed, you'll think to yourself "Gee, mama is still sleeping. Her eyes are closed. I should probably go back to sleep and not wake her." But you don't. We get up and start the day. It works for now but honey, you are aging me each morning.

The last time we had a real photo taken of us was when you were born which is a complete shame. If I could take wonderful, non-iphone photos of our family on the reg, I would. But yesterday, our friend Austin Lord, photographed us at home for Johnson & Johnson. You were a ham, per usual. You loved his watch and were definitely a little flirt. I'm telling you: KID LEASH UNTIL YOU'RE 21. You think I'm kidding but don't doubt your mother. 

These photos are so dear to me. We have fun together. Except for right now because as I'm typing this, you are pulling out all of your books on your bookcase and one just fell on your leg where you have a bruise from previous incident. Your first bruise. Big deal. Now you're crying and shouting my name. No time for spell check or grammar check. I'm coming. 

Love you dearly my beautiful girl,

Mama

Mine All Mine.

My Gemma,

It's been awhile since I've had the time to sit down and write to you. The last couple of months have been filled with all things family. Taking care of family, spending time with family, meeting family. You've been a busy girl growing so fast. Your standing, scooting and gibber-jabbering all the time. You still love meeting new faces and your smile just warms my heart more than anything. Nose scrunched, teeth showing and eyes squinted. Ahh, just perfect. You've taken your first serious tumble  (and by that, I mean there was blood) while trying to walk. It was heart breaking but you are strong and brave. It didn't take you long to try again and y'know Gem, that was encouraging to me. I'm always learning from you. I like it that way.

Yesterday, I created your own instagram account. I wonder if you'll even know what that is when you're old enough to read this or if it will be a vintage concept. Who knows. Anyway, you're way too young to have your own account, mainly for the reason that you're, well, A BABY. But let me explain. I was browsing through the app yesterday and saw a photo I took of you when you were 6 months old. I smiled and of course clicked on it but what I saw next made the angry, protective Mama  Bear in me roar. A girl (the username escapes me... fleur-something-or-other) had posted photos of you claiming you were HER baby! WHAT! I instantly commented, reported the photos (all 28 of them) and blocked her from seeing any other photos of you. The only thing is, I can't remember her username. This made my heart sick that someone would want to claim you as their own! You are mine, all mine. So any photos I post of you will be on a private account on Instagram and this corner of the Internet (for now) unless Daddy and I are in it with you.  Anyone I have met in person will be able to follow your growth via Instagram for the time being. 

This may seem so minor to you but the feelings and emotions that came over me were too great to brush it off. Maybe my heart will settle and this will pass. Maybe. 

You are currently climbing all over me with Lion and your Dr. Seuss book so I think it's time for me to go. 

Love you my sweet girl. Mine, all mine. 

Mama

Your First Keepsake

Gem,

It's 2015 and you're 7 months old! I can't believe it. Get ready to read that a lot in the upcoming months because I'm struggling with the fact that time is going by so fast and you're changing just as fast. You look so much like Dad these days but I'm starting to see myself in you more and more. You recently started saying "Mama" and "Dada" and it just melts my heart. You only say dada when Dad is around and I love that. I'm not sure you're associating the words with us yet but it's nice to pretend you understand. You want to do everything we do. Eat what we eat, drink what we drink. You love food just like me.

Wedding planning has begun and it's more work than I expected. Finding a place that suits our little family was a hard task but we found one! I never thought I would get married in Texas but this place is gorgeous, Gem and there is nothing like it in Nashville. I can't wait to make pretty things for that day. I was never the type to dream about what my wedding day would look like but it's fun to discover what I want it to be like. Your Dad is just as involved in envisioning this celebration and it's so fun scheming and dreaming with him. We want it to feel intimate and moving.

We got you something special recently that we will give you on our wedding day. Something to remember the day and something that will grow with you. A little locket. We have to get our photos made so we can put them in there but I think you're going to love it. It's from 1960 but we had it fixed up and cleaned just for you.

I'm excited to give it to you and I can't wait to share special things like this with you as you grow up. I love getting things for you. Ammie loves antiques and she always shared her keepsakes with me. She taught me to appreciate old, fragile pieces and how to be delicate with them, to learn their history and admire such keepsakes. If you think I'm sentimental, just you wait.... Ammie is even more so.

I love you sweet girl.

Always,
Mama

Your First Christmas

Merry Christmas MY LOVE!

This is your first Christmas out of the womb! It's also mine and your father's first Christmas together (we spent Christmas with our own parents last year) so this is so wonderful for all of us!

On Christmas Eve, Dad cooked up a super tasty dinner: steak and lemon roasted asparagus. We had a fancy red wine to go with it. We tried giving you carrots and You LOVE your carrots. It was nice to see you finally eat solids well when lately, all you would do is nurse. You sat in your new fancy high chair that we opened early from Nann & Pops (thank you!) and ate right along with us. You nearly drank more water than me too!

Christmas morning comes no later than other mornings. We were all exhausted but it's Christmas and we are so happy to be together. We sat with you in the living room and let you "open" your presents. Ammie + Papa, Nann + Pops and Papa Steve + Mimi sent so many wonderful gifts our way for you and us parents too! Most of the wrapping paper ended up in your mouth (and in your diaper later-- oops!). You were amazed with all of the boxes and paper and all the noises they make.

Dad made his cheese danish for breakfast and served it up with a big glass of milk and a tall glass of eggnog for me. YUM. We watched "Elf" and lounged most of the day. Even when you aren't feeling your best, you're such a happy baby. You've started a "mama" phase in the last couple of weeks. It's gotten to the point where I can't leave your sight, you won't take a bottle (of anything) and are super picky with your solid intake. My heart hurts when I can't figure out what's wrong or what's changing.

For dinner, I made my first pot roast with veggies in the oven. It was so tender, it fell off the fork. Mmm. Not even close to as good as your dad's steak but it was pretty tasty if I do say so, myself. You ate sweet potatoes for the first time and they are definitely your new favorite. 

 I didn't take any photos of the dinner I made with my camera since I'm a messier cook than your dad. And I forgot to make something green..... gotta have those greens. Oops.

At the end of our evening, you were restless and I was getting a migraine so I fed you and laid in bed with you and we both fell asleep. Dad went to bed soon after. With all of this together-time indoors, we are going to have a bit of cabin fever soon. Okay, maybe just me. We three are so worn and tired. a little sickly but healthier than most this season. Still, our first Christmas was so special. One I will always remember. 

Love you darling.

Always,

Mama